I can't get away from You!

I absolutely love the moments when my shallow little head can comprehend God working around me!
Last week sometime, I was wailing to Him again - I know I ought to treat guys as brothers in Christ, but *Someone* didn't give me brothers, so I don't know where to start. The earliest interactions I can remember with guys (after age 12 or so) were just constant attempts at impressing them with my radiance, confidence and maturity - not!
But this weekend, I got together with a large group of friends, and got stuck with all the guys, more than once. And for the first time ever, I was totally relaxed. I wasn't worried about impressing any particular guy. I was amused, rather than embarrassed, at their attempts of flirting. When they pointed out how shy I was, I didn't stiffen up, panicking as I tried to think of something to say. I just laughed - I honestly just don't care if I'm not talking as much as they'd like! And I think I finally understand what it means to treat a guy as a brother... *phew*!

I've wanted to read "When God Writes Your Love Story" and I finally got the chance to read through most of it yesterday. I absolutely love one analogy Eric Ludy used - sometimes single Christians feel like they can hardly stand being restricted any longer, and they can't take living the pure, single life a minute longer! Just like a captain sailing his ship through those rocks where the Sirens live, who orders his crew to put wax in their ears and tie him to the mast. He's in agony for the entire time they are passing through, screaming to be released. But they pay no mind, and when they are in clear waters again, he is untied and slumps down in exhaustion - and thankfulness. I empathize with everything he said... I've prayed much, and worked so hard to avoid flirting and dating and anything else I might regret. Of course, I know if I decided I was going to try dating, I'd end up in a far worse mess.
But I have this giant chip on my shoulder... I feel like I've spent every last bit of energy trying to be ready to get married, without any unnecessary baggage, and I've been waiting several years now. I suppose someday I'll look back and snicker at my little self, whining about not having a husband at age seventeen. Dumb, huh?
I'm just plain sick of waiting!

(Cue chain of new worries - how could I possibly get married? I'm up to my ears in money commitments, and I don't see them going away anytime soon! and I don't want to be away from my parents! and it would mean so many new things... this is the wimp of all wimps here! The fears never end!)

Okay, I'm done now. One more thought - on my way home, I missed the turn for my block, and ended up driving all over the neighborhood in confusion. At the same time, this song came on the radio. I think it was rather ironic! No matter how confused and lost and freaked out I am, I can never get away from my incredible God!

Can't Get Away - Rush of Fools

I am an arrow, I am a rocket
I am a river and nothing can stop it
Cause You are the target and You are the atmosphere
You are the ocean that keeps pulling me, You're pulling me here
And I, can't get away, can't get away
Can't get away, can't get away
I can't get away, can't get away...I keep running into You
I am a beggar, You are the table
I am so helpless, God, You are so able
And when I get turned around You change my direction
You're so perfect, I'm so broken, here You come with arms wide open
Chasing after me down every road
You're always waiting there
Even when I close my eyes, I can't help but see
There's no place that I can hide, You're such a part of me
I can't get away cause I keep running into You
I can't get away...